guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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