just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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