ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
