If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
