How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
