Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
