We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
