His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
