a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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