Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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