Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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