Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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