before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
