Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
