I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
this boner is exhausting
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
