I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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