you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
