i think my tv is drunk
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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