She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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