can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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