ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
