Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize