is your mom at the bar?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
