Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You smell like stripper and shame
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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