yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
