I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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