fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
