you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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