We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
