Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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