Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
