if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
