i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
