I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
