On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
