Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
