Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We are two peas in an std pod
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
