she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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