I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
