My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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