you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
