i was born a porn star she said
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
