Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
