So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
