I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
