need another drink. this is the easiest way
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Your cock deserves a montage
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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