i was born a porn star she said
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
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