She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
