Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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