she was so not down for the gang bang
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
