dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i barfeds in our rink
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
