i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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