And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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