____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
