You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
